Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
