if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
