first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
