her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
