Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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