all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
