It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
