so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
