2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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