He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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