i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
