I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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