Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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