roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
