Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
