Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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