He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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