my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
