I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Im part way to drunk.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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