I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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