a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
