Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
