is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
