the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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