Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
