True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
