The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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