Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
