i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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