Don't you send me to vm
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
