so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
