Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
