my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
