my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
