I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
50% drunk capacity currently
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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