i just wanna soil my oats bro
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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