He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
