why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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