I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
