Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
