i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
