he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
