Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
