One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
