Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
