You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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