So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
