Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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