White coat. Heels.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
