tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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